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woman sitting on a rock with a view of mountains in the distance
Personal Testimonies

Finding my Rock in the Lord

September 6, 2022

Trigger warning: This post mentions physical and sexual abuse, and suicidal intentions. If you are being abused, please seek help from the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or your local authorities. If you have been having any thoughts of self harm, please contact the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255, or visit their website here. Doing so is completely confidential.


Growing up, my childhood was like night and day.

On the one hand, I had loving Grandparents. My Grandpa was a practicing Minister, and my Grandma was the most faithful example of a Christian Wife and Mother. I spent a great deal of time with them. My Grandpa taught us grandkids all the great “Jesus songs” (I still name my playlists Jesus Songs) when we were young. 

They took all the grandkids to church every Sunday and Wednesday night. I grew up knowing that Jesus loved the little children.

“Jesus loves the little children of the world..”

Cedarmont Kids

These are the memories that I mostly remember because, on the other hand, my life was a nightmare.

I came to remember in my adult life that the home I grew up in was not the safe place it should have been, and the people who should have protected me the most did not do that.

An evil person lived in our home, a close family member who used every abuse possible to gain power over me. I was mentally, physically, and sexually abused from a very young age until I was 20 years old and gave birth to my son. 

This split life is hard to imagine! Believe me when I say that my world fell apart when the truth was revealed, and I actually remembered what had happened to me. I was a mental wreck, heavily medicated, and suicidal. 

I grasped for anything that I could to stay afloat. I learned the true meaning of Psalm 18:2:

“The Lord is my Rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my Rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

psalm 18:2 NIV
Psalm 18:2

Finding Comfort in the Lord

The Psalms have brought me comfort that I cannot fully explain.

When David spoke about his enemies and people who hated him, I understood and related to him. When he said in this verse, “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer,” I took those words to heart! I saved them in my mind and replayed them over and over. 

As I said, music was a big part of my childhood and has followed me into adulthood. I have come to love contemporary Christian music. The song by Kerrie Roberts “Savior To Me,” came out around when I was in my lowest despair. I stood in my kitchen and sang this song with all of my heart and soul every day for months. 

“You have made Your light to shine

Through the darkness of all time

And that light was life

In the face of Jesus Christ

You’ve caused a dawn within my soul

My heart no longer is my own

I wanna praise You now

With every breath that You allow.”

–Kerrie Roberts “Savior To Me” 

During this dark time, I was so thankful I had a Christian upbringing that I could run to. Jesus literally saved my life on many occasions.

My faith in God has prevented suicide from me. I believed this life was over and needed to be terminated immediately; I couldn’t bear to breathe another moment. 

One night as I lay crying in my bed and thinking dark thoughts, I started to pray, and all of a sudden, I had this calm feeling rush over me, and I smelled the most indescribable beautiful smell that I can still remember, it was sweet and flowery at the same time.

I stopped crying, inhaled this smell, and let it fill my lungs. I stopped praying while this sensation was all over me, and I could feel Jesus in my room. It was the first time in my life that I honestly felt safe and protected. I never wanted to lose that feeling again.

That night, I understood; that He was Savior to me. He is my Rock, my Fortress, and my Deliverer. That night my life changed because I felt God. 

I will be upfront; even with this experience, I am not a model Christian. I have a severe issue with forgiveness. I pray about it, take it back, give it, and change my mind over and over.

I have read many devotions on forgiveness and have spoken to my pastors about it many times. I know God wants me to forgive my abuser and pray for his soul.

“Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.”

Isaiah 55:7 NIV

I try to pray Isaiah 55:7 for my abuser, but the words get hung in my throat, and I feel like a hypocrite because I don’t want to have him pardoned. I am not worthy of choosing him eternity; that is for the Lord only. 

I mentioned my son, and I want to tell you about him. He has autism. I understand that different factors cause autism; I feel this is because of the close relationship with my abuser, that my son has a disability. 

My son has the most beautiful childlike soul who profoundly loves God.

His love and belief humble me. My son prays for me all the time. I sneeze, and he communicates, “I will pray for you, Momma,” He doesn’t just say that; he prays that moment. I am truly thankful for him; he taught me a lot about genuinely trusting the Lord. 

God has also blessed me with a loving husband and a true father to my son. My husband is a caring and gentle man who encourages me to pray and follow in my walk with Jesus. He doesn’t push me when I am having emotional issues. I am thankful for his love every day! 

I believe that no matter what you have been through, Jesus understands.

He loves you and will protect you.

Reading God’s word will bring comfort regardless of your situation. I feel it is essential to find a verse and keep it in your heart. Memorize the verse and use it when the devil throws lies your way because he will throw up anything in your face every chance he gets. Don’t let him in!

Identify your weakness (mine is forgiveness) and work diligently on it. Above all, know that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are for you! 

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Danielle Maxwell

Danielle is a Christian wife and mother who has recently started the Butterflies and Tulips Blog. She is currently enjoying learning new things in managing it. Her hobbies include reading, singing (horribly) to the Lord, and cooking. She lives in Michigan with her husband of 16 years, her extraordinary son, and her sweetest puppy, Jonah. Danielle has dedicated her life to encouraging people who have been abused or have mental illnesses. She hopes to reach out to all people and show them the love of the Lord through her life experiences.

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The Comments

  • Nella Allen
    September 7, 2022

    Danielle, this is a beautiful testimony. My heart hurts for what you’ve been through, but I commend your strength in the ability to share. I love you sweet lady!

    Reply
    • Danielle
      Nella Allen
      September 9, 2022

      Thank you so very much for reading my story! I appreciate you with all my heart!

      Reply
  • Angel Baker
    December 10, 2022

    Danielle, your testimony has brought tears to my eyes, and your love of the Lord so beautiful and inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story, I know you it will touch many of lives as it did mine!

    Reply

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Welcome to Salt + Sparrow, a place where we learn about Jesus, the Bible, and find big faith in small things.

"The life I’m called to live is displayed in the "The life I’m called to live is displayed in the way Jesus lived his life. Living out my purpose means to do my best to love and serve others like Jesus did, and let God’s light shine through me so that He may be glorified."

@jenjabbour 

 #faith #momsoffaith #christianmoms #relationshipwithgod #christians #christianmother #christianliving #jesusalways #truth #faithinmotion #christianlifestyle #prayer #purpose
Amen 🙏🏻 @hertrueworth #faithquotes #christ Amen 🙏🏻 @hertrueworth 

#faithquotes #christianmoms #truth #blessed #relationshipwithgod #prayer #christianmomma #christianlifestyle #christianity #faithblogger #christianmother #faithinmotion #faithblog #christianliving #christians #momsoffaith #biblestudy #jesusalways #faith #bibleverse #pray
Every single person you meet was created by, and l Every single person you meet was created by, and loved by God. 

Even the ones who have hurt you. 

Next time you’re tempted to act out in anger, or envy, or hurt.. stop for a moment and think.. how would Jesus behave in this situation? 

Learning to respond to others for who they are rather than what they’ve done… or the emotion their actions have triggered in you, will bring you peace and freedom. 

💛
.
.
.
.
.
#faithblogger #christianblogger #christianwomen #christianlifestyle
I was recently gifted the book, Grit Don’t Quit: I was recently gifted the book, Grit Don’t Quit: Developing Resilience and Faith When Giving Up Isn’t an Option, by Bianca Juarez Olthoff. And it couldn’t have come into my life at a better time.

I think we’ve all gone through times in our life when failure has threatened to keep us down. When getting back up after yet another fall feels seemingly impossible.

And I hate to break it to you, but we will all face failure at some point in our lives. Sometimes repeatedly. But the really amazing thing about failure is that it give us options:

We can either let failure destroy our confidence and our faith and keep us from living up to our full potential.

Or we call view failure as another chance.

Embracing failure is a concept that may be difficult to adopt at first, but when we can view failure as a learning opportunity and quickly get back up on our feet, we win. It’s also a chance to turn to God and say hey.. here’s my weakness. And it’s only through our weaknesses that we can turn to God and find His strength.

So.. are you going to change the way you view failure? Or are you going to let it hold you back?

@biancaolthoff 

I'll link a giveaway for this book in stories so go check it out there!

#gritdontquit #gritdontquitbook #bookstagram #grit #christianbooks
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About

"The life I’m called to live is displayed in the "The life I’m called to live is displayed in the way Jesus lived his life. Living out my purpose means to do my best to love and serve others like Jesus did, and let God’s light shine through me so that He may be glorified."

@jenjabbour 

 #faith #momsoffaith #christianmoms #relationshipwithgod #christians #christianmother #christianliving #jesusalways #truth #faithinmotion #christianlifestyle #prayer #purpose
Amen 🙏🏻 @hertrueworth #faithquotes #christ Amen 🙏🏻 @hertrueworth 

#faithquotes #christianmoms #truth #blessed #relationshipwithgod #prayer #christianmomma #christianlifestyle #christianity #faithblogger #christianmother #faithinmotion #faithblog #christianliving #christians #momsoffaith #biblestudy #jesusalways #faith #bibleverse #pray
Every single person you meet was created by, and l Every single person you meet was created by, and loved by God. 

Even the ones who have hurt you. 

Next time you’re tempted to act out in anger, or envy, or hurt.. stop for a moment and think.. how would Jesus behave in this situation? 

Learning to respond to others for who they are rather than what they’ve done… or the emotion their actions have triggered in you, will bring you peace and freedom. 

💛
.
.
.
.
.
#faithblogger #christianblogger #christianwomen #christianlifestyle
I was recently gifted the book, Grit Don’t Quit: I was recently gifted the book, Grit Don’t Quit: Developing Resilience and Faith When Giving Up Isn’t an Option, by Bianca Juarez Olthoff. And it couldn’t have come into my life at a better time.

I think we’ve all gone through times in our life when failure has threatened to keep us down. When getting back up after yet another fall feels seemingly impossible.

And I hate to break it to you, but we will all face failure at some point in our lives. Sometimes repeatedly. But the really amazing thing about failure is that it give us options:

We can either let failure destroy our confidence and our faith and keep us from living up to our full potential.

Or we call view failure as another chance.

Embracing failure is a concept that may be difficult to adopt at first, but when we can view failure as a learning opportunity and quickly get back up on our feet, we win. It’s also a chance to turn to God and say hey.. here’s my weakness. And it’s only through our weaknesses that we can turn to God and find His strength.

So.. are you going to change the way you view failure? Or are you going to let it hold you back?

@biancaolthoff 

I'll link a giveaway for this book in stories so go check it out there!

#gritdontquit #gritdontquitbook #bookstagram #grit #christianbooks
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

"This verse isn’t promising that bad things won’t happen. It simply reminds us nothing can touch us when we live in Christ Jesus. We might experience loss and hardship, but our ultimate destination is heavenly perfection. 

So today, if you are living consumed with fear, practice surrender.

Take a deep breath and know that no matter what, you are loved and you will be ok.

God is Big Enough to hold our biggest hurts and make them beautiful." 

@mrsheidivegh 

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