OCD
Crippling fear
Miscarriages
Divorce
Death
These were (are) some of the holes I tried to hide in presenting a perfectly intact facade to the world. Only, the face I presented was not the accurate face that looked back at me from the mirror each morning.
I was a fraud. I knew I was broken. In need of saving. A therapeutic attempt to right all the wrongs encountered in my 30-something years.
Even still, I managed to pretend.
I showed up, looking as happy and put-together as I could. I made excuses for the mess behind the scenes that I was unsuccessful at hiding. I tried to look “normal,” yet felt anything but.
And then, something miraculous happened.
Jesus.
He met me where I was. He stepped gingerly over the shamble of lost hopes and broken dreams.
He brought beauty from the ashes of destruction in my life.
He allowed the brokenness, mistakes, hurt, and pain to tell a story of renewal, grace, forgiveness, and healing.
Jesus shined his perfect light through the exterior holes of my own imperfect life.
He taught me that no matter how much I mess up, I am still his beloved child.
I now see others with anxiety as kindred spirits. I empathize with their struggle. I want to help. But sometimes the best we can do is sit with them….in the pain.
I see women (and men) fighting the very real and heartbreaking struggle of infertility.
My heart hurts for them. My spirit hopes for them. I know the value of human life. I will forever be a fighter of the unborn. The miracle that is more than a choice, it is a blessing straight from Heaven’s nursery above.
I feel for those struggling with marital woes.
It is hard. So very hard. When one tries and the other shuts down.
When one steps outside, and the other dies inside.
When one longs for companionship, a deep, lasting, loyal friend for life, and the other sets their eyes upon greener pastures.
I want to shake them. I want to wake them! I want to dispel the lies that satan plants firmly in the minds of Christian men and women. But I can’t.
That healing only happens with authentic grace, forgiveness, and renewed commitment.
So, I mourn for the marriages that break. For the divorces that succeed in upping the percentage.
For the children that may never know how beautiful God meant for marriage to be. Until humans ruined the sanctity of the union with pride, ego, lust, and greed.
Death. I have no words. Its sting is a pain one never truly heals from.
Its separation is the epitome of heartbreak. Yet, there is a hope that comes with death.
A desperate desire for reunification.
A deep knowing our loved ones are no longer suffering. A selfish wish to hold them once again. Death is final. Mourning is inevitable. Healing is hopeful. And, knowing the greater the love, the greater the pain is a double-edged sword.
What are the “holes” of brokenness in your life?
Do you hide them, and therefore give them power over your healing?
Or, have you held them up, given them to the great physician, who not only defeats the pain deep inside, but allows his healing light of rejuvenation to shine through those holes of former brokenness.
Illuminating a healing, growth, and new beginning so bright and beautiful, it is nearly blinding to those looking on.
Give Jesus your weakness and He will be your strength.
Allow him to shine through the holes of pain defining your life.
He can take any hurt, any betrayal, any pain on earth and turn it into a thing of beauty, glory, and hope.
Your story deserves a chance for a happy ending.
Tell it to Jesus today. And watch Him rewrite those many chapters of hurt, transforming them into a story of faithful overcoming; shining light upon all those you know, and finding life in the freedom of God’s mercy, to be the very story written just for you.
The light that inspired the post.
