Road Tested: Hearing from God in Your Marriage

“You will find it hard to hear from God until you let go your rights and your agenda.” – John Eldredge, Love & War

I have found, over a lifetime, that God wants our heartfelt attention and that He often has something to say. But it usually means surrendering my approach, my plans, or possibly my hopes to be willing to listen.

It’s risky, hearing from God. It’s also incredibly rewarding.

One night after dinner, my husband and I loaded our kids up in my car and we headed off to drop my husband’s car at the auto shop to get some maintenance done.

Since it was mid-winter, it was well after dark and the various swirls of streetlights, headlights, and turn signals darted around.

And for the twenty-minute drive that my kids listened to the new Nancy Drew story on CD, the Holy Spirit began pointing out how this was a great marital exercise.

Wait, what?

Yes, that’s correct – I’m saying I recommend driving around town in two separate cars, wife following husband, as a relationship exercise. Here’s how this will work:

Husbands, you are leading. You set the pace, the destination and decide how to get there. But you are responsible for assessing safety ahead, for making sure your wife doesn’t get lost.

Pay attention, gentlemen. Are you making sure she’s still behind you? What happens when another car separates you? Do you forget at any point that you were leading? Are you signaling to your wife so she can move with you, safely?

Wife, you are following. Not at your speed, or how you think you need to change lanes. You are not choosing your destination. But you do still have full autonomy of your vehicle, and you do get to make the choice to follow his lead.

Pay attention, ladies.

Do you find you are grumbling while you follow? Are you irritable with his speed? Possibly critiquing his lack of turn signal? Are you getting antsy or tense? When you get separated, can you find him again?

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.” -Colossians 3:18 NLT

This exercise easily exposes the posture of your heart.

Ladies, is it really that important to drive your way? And what happens when you take your own lead, separating?

Once or twice, I was tempted to switch lanes myself.

Do you ever get antsy waiting for your spouse to make a decision? Or maybe you’ve fallen into the disillusion that your way of doing things is always the better one?

I thought I knew the destination and it didn’t matter if we were split up, didn’t matter if I happened to get there first.

But that Holy Spirit tap on the shoulder told me not to move. I needed to follow my husband’s lead. I needed to sit back, pay attention and stop letting my impatience and independence separate us.

And as it turned out, I did not have the right auto shop in mind. I would have ended up somewhere else.

Simply because I was too caught up in controlling my own little world. Which in that moment consisted of my car and where it was going.

The hazard of my mind wandering with God while I’m driving? Missing exits. Once my husband was in my car and I was driving us home, I was still so fascinated with what the Holy Spirit was telling me that I lost track and saw my exit when it was too late to turn.

“Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.” -Colossians 3:19 NLT

In response to my exasperate sigh, my husband simply chuckled, told me it was no problem and how to get back on track. Literally.

He walked me through catching the next exit and looping various interstate points until we got back to where we needed to be.

And since my independence didn’t bristle against it this time, his lead relieved my anxiety about the situation.

So, where are the keys?

It might be worth a whirl some time to road-test your relationship.(Bonus points if you do it at night or in the rain.)

Father God, may our hearts be hungry to hear from You, no matter what we are doing. We pray that Your voice is the one we seek first and all others are measured against it. Lord, shed your light into our marriages and bring Your holiness into the midst. We welcome your creativity, Lord, as you reveal Your glorious plan for marriage and equip us to guard it fiercely. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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