• Blog
    • All Posts
    • Write for Salt + Sparrow
    • Contributors
  • Spiritual Growth
    • Personal Testimonies
    • Spiritual Growth Scriptures
  • Salt + Sparrow

  • Devotionals
    • Bible Studies
    • Prayers
  • Christian Lifestyle
    • Motherhood

Salt + Sparrow

It's Not Your Breaking Point, It's Your Praying Point
Personal Testimonies

It’s Not Your Breaking Point, It’s Your Praying Point

November 5, 2021

Trigger warning: this post does mention suicidal ideation. If you have been having any thoughts of self harm, please contact the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255, or visit their website here. Doing so is completely confidential.


“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” 

Philippians 4:6-7

I know what it’s like to struggle. I know what it’s like to feel alone.

Most importantly, though, I know what it is like to reach a breaking point. That moment when the weight of ten worlds sits on your shoulders and you think to yourself “wouldn’t it be nice to sit down for a moment and rest”, but when you try to get back up the weight holds you in place.

It presses down on you. You can’t breathe and, stuck in that moment of fear, you can’t see the path before you. Instead, it looks like the jagged edge of a cliff and you feel as if you might fall.

There was a time when I was so angry at the world and the evil in it, that I isolated myself. I shut myself away in a little box—away from the world that hurt me and away from the family who loved me. I thought that was the answer.

I put up walls of anger and used them to hurt those around me. It wasn’t always a conscious decision, but because I couldn’t find a way to be happy, I hurt the people who were most important to me. 

Simply put, I was mad all of the time, and when I wasn’t mad I was anxious.

I suffered from daily anxiety attacks that came on most often without explanation. I remember what it was like to stay awake until the early hours of the morning shaking, hyperventilating, crying, and vomiting because I couldn’t manage to calm myself down.

I remember taking a little white pill every day and then another to calm the panic the first one couldn’t manage. I was constantly anxious and angry, until that fear and ferocity were no longer emotions, but had become my personality.

I had changed. I couldn’t see the person I wanted to be, and I surely couldn’t find a way to get there. 

In hindsight, I can see that I felt that way because I was trying to do it all on my own. Trying and failing miserably.

I read my Bible daily, but it didn’t really mean anything to me. I loved God, but I was so wrapped up in my own world and my victim mentality, that I hardly found the time to pray. When I did manage it, it wasn’t sincere. I strayed further and further, wondering why God would want me to live like this. (Hint: He didn’t.) 

I lived a Christian life. I went to church, I listened to the preacher speak, and I believed every word. Even though I did all of those things, I didn’t allow them to drop into my heart. I was living the perfect life on the outside, but the inside was bleak and dark. 

Then one day everything changed. I was no longer just angry. I began feeling depressed. That was all it took for the devil to put thoughts in my mind. I dealt with fleeting thoughts of suicide. The devil wrapped it up in a pretty bow, telling me that it was a way to get to Heaven sooner; that I would be happy there. 

Suicide certainly isn’t the path to Heaven. Thankfully, God allowed me to see through the lies.

If you are dealing with those dark thoughts, don’t believe them. They are evil words the devil uses to incapacitate your faith. He can grip on to it and rip it away if you give him a chance. Though Jesus allowed me to discern from whom the deceitful whispers came, that they were not my own thoughts but seeds Satan had tried to plant in my mind, I was terrified.

Praying Point

I couldn’t believe that ending my own life had actually crossed my mind, no matter how quickly it disappeared. I cried from fear. I cried because I felt so alone. I knew Satan would continue to come back if I didn’t take care of the matter at that moment. I realized I didn’t want to be alone any longer. As much as it frightened me, I traveled off that island of solitude and opened up to the God who loved me so much. 

I had reached my praying point. I prayed until my throat was raw from speaking words through the tears. I prayed until those demonic thoughts left. God answered my prayers, and I haven’t been haunted by those thoughts any longer. 

I work daily to change from the hateful person I was, to someone Christ Jesus can be proud of. The most important thing I have learned, is that I cannot do it alone. If you need a sign, here it is. Swim away from your island of solitude. Find God’s solid rock to stand upon. Reach out to those that you love, because they love you too. They want to be there for you. 

I realize that every person’s battles are different. Maybe mine seems like a speck of dirt compared to the mountain standing in front of you. 

Here’s the thing, though. 

My God? 

He moves mountains. 

6 Comments
Share
Allyson Gott

Allyson Gott is a small-town librarian with a love of writing. She spends her spare time working as a freelance writer. Allyson enjoys writing about what she knows: her faith in God, her many dogs, and mental health. Her works have been published in GirlSpring Magazine and numerous blogs. She is currently working towards her bachelor’s degree in English, and will be completing it in 2022.

Leave a Comment Cancel Comment

The Comments

  • Bill and Sharon Weitkamp
    November 12, 2021

    I really enjoyed reading your article. It’s very inspiring. I would like to share it if that’s ok.

    Reply
    • Allyson Gott
      Bill and Sharon Weitkamp
      November 12, 2021

      Thank you! Of course you can share! 🙂

      Reply
  • Gates Eve
    November 13, 2021

    This was so beautiful. Shows us what others goes through even though they give you the version everything fine. Made me stop and think more of others not myself

    Reply
    • Allyson Gott
      Gates Eve
      November 15, 2021

      Thank you so much!

      Reply
  • Gayle
    November 13, 2021

    That is amazing, Allyson!! This is a wonderful essay, and I’m sure it will bless many. <3
    Thank you for sharing, and may God continue to bless and guide you.

    Reply
    • Allyson Gott
      Gayle
      November 15, 2021

      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      Reply

You May Also Like

March 10, 2022

From Pain to Purpose: A Journey

March 22, 2022

Life is Both Sunshine and Rainy Days

November 17, 2021

Hope in the Heartbreak

Grab your coffee and stay awhile

Welcome to Salt + Sparrow, a place where we learn about Jesus, the Bible, and find big faith in small things.

On Instagram

It’s a challenging time to be a Christian. But the good news is God created us for such a time as this. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble.But take heart! I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33 NIV

#Christianity #Jesus #God #Christian #Bible #faith #JesusChrist #Love #church 
#prayer #Bibleverse #christianlife #godsword #jesussaves #jesuslovesyou #wordofgod #christianwoman #dailybibleverse #verseoftheday #bible-quotes #godislove #jesusislord #dailydevotional #biblejournaling #christianliving #scripture #biblequote #christianlifestyle #christianmom #faith
saltnsparrow
saltnsparrow
•
Follow
It’s a challenging time to be a Christian. But the good news is God created us for such a time as this. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble.But take heart! I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33 NIV #Christianity #Jesus #God #Christian #Bible #faith #JesusChrist #Love #church #prayer #Bibleverse #christianlife #godsword #jesussaves #jesuslovesyou #wordofgod #christianwoman #dailybibleverse #verseoftheday #bible-quotes #godislove #jesusislord #dailydevotional #biblejournaling #christianliving #scripture #biblequote #christianlifestyle #christianmom #faith
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
1/4
"You see, we weren’t meant to stay young parents of young children. It was always part of the plan for our babies to grow up and, to some extent, to go away."

@sandybrannanauthor 💛
saltnsparrow
saltnsparrow
•
Follow
"You see, we weren’t meant to stay young parents of young children. It was always part of the plan for our babies to grow up and, to some extent, to go away." @sandybrannanauthor 💛
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
2/4
You better believe Jesus would welcome every single person at His table. But they’d walk away a changed person. They wouldn’t continue their life of sin.

There’s a difference between passing judgement that’s not ours to pass and knowing the difference between right and wrong- recognizing sin. I can recognize sin and still invite you to my table. But you better believe the topic of conversation is going to be about how God forgives. How He loves. How He offers salvation. 

Because leading you to Jesus is the biggest act of love I can show you.
saltnsparrow
saltnsparrow
•
Follow
You better believe Jesus would welcome every single person at His table. But they’d walk away a changed person. They wouldn’t continue their life of sin. There’s a difference between passing judgement that’s not ours to pass and knowing the difference between right and wrong- recognizing sin. I can recognize sin and still invite you to my table. But you better believe the topic of conversation is going to be about how God forgives. How He loves. How He offers salvation. Because leading you to Jesus is the biggest act of love I can show you.
5 months ago
View on Instagram |
3/4
Keep this somewhere you can see it. 💛
@realbrittanydawn
saltnsparrow
saltnsparrow
•
Follow
Keep this somewhere you can see it. 💛 @realbrittanydawn
5 months ago
View on Instagram |
4/4
@saltnsparrow
Currently Praying For

Currently Praying For

Ukraine

Shop My Favorites

Amazon

She Who Is

Bible Studies

Blog

Recent Posts

  • Woman in a field, raising her left hand in prayer

    Daily Prayer for Strength During Difficult Times

    August 9, 2022
  • Psalms for Comfort and Strength

    Psalms for Comfort and Strength

    August 4, 2022
  • martial arts

    Deeper Than the Surface: A Beautiful Lesson of Love from Martial Arts

    August 2, 2022
  1. Jenny Penner on Characteristics of True Friendship: Choosing Loving Truth Over Vain AgreementJuly 21, 2022

    I love you so ver much my precious little sister. I’m so thankful for your testimony. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  2. Susan on Faith and Road Trips: How They Both Prepare Us for Our Final DestinationJuly 14, 2022

    Oh Sandy - This is so true - what a great piece! What a blessing to "leave our worries behind"…

  3. Sherlin Mini Emmanuel on Bible Verses for Comfort in Hard TimesJuly 7, 2022

    So true.The word of God gives hope, comfort, and encouragement.

  4. Elaine Onorio on The Blurring Seasons of LifeJuly 1, 2022

    Mama always says Your children will teach you a lot more than you ever taught them

  5. Cara Blondo on Fresh, Fat, and Flourishing: Aging in the Grace of GodJune 30, 2022

    I remember that acronym, too! I love it! I am so blessed that this encouraged and blessed you, and I…

Proverbs 16:16

"How much better to get wisdom than gold, to get insight rather than silver!"

About

It’s a challenging time to be a Christian. But the good news is God created us for such a time as this. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble.But take heart! I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33 NIV

#Christianity #Jesus #God #Christian #Bible #faith #JesusChrist #Love #church 
#prayer #Bibleverse #christianlife #godsword #jesussaves #jesuslovesyou #wordofgod #christianwoman #dailybibleverse #verseoftheday #bible-quotes #godislove #jesusislord #dailydevotional #biblejournaling #christianliving #scripture #biblequote #christianlifestyle #christianmom #faith
saltnsparrow
saltnsparrow
•
Follow
It’s a challenging time to be a Christian. But the good news is God created us for such a time as this. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble.But take heart! I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33 NIV #Christianity #Jesus #God #Christian #Bible #faith #JesusChrist #Love #church #prayer #Bibleverse #christianlife #godsword #jesussaves #jesuslovesyou #wordofgod #christianwoman #dailybibleverse #verseoftheday #bible-quotes #godislove #jesusislord #dailydevotional #biblejournaling #christianliving #scripture #biblequote #christianlifestyle #christianmom #faith
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
1/4
"You see, we weren’t meant to stay young parents of young children. It was always part of the plan for our babies to grow up and, to some extent, to go away."

@sandybrannanauthor 💛
saltnsparrow
saltnsparrow
•
Follow
"You see, we weren’t meant to stay young parents of young children. It was always part of the plan for our babies to grow up and, to some extent, to go away." @sandybrannanauthor 💛
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
2/4
You better believe Jesus would welcome every single person at His table. But they’d walk away a changed person. They wouldn’t continue their life of sin.

There’s a difference between passing judgement that’s not ours to pass and knowing the difference between right and wrong- recognizing sin. I can recognize sin and still invite you to my table. But you better believe the topic of conversation is going to be about how God forgives. How He loves. How He offers salvation. 

Because leading you to Jesus is the biggest act of love I can show you.
saltnsparrow
saltnsparrow
•
Follow
You better believe Jesus would welcome every single person at His table. But they’d walk away a changed person. They wouldn’t continue their life of sin. There’s a difference between passing judgement that’s not ours to pass and knowing the difference between right and wrong- recognizing sin. I can recognize sin and still invite you to my table. But you better believe the topic of conversation is going to be about how God forgives. How He loves. How He offers salvation. Because leading you to Jesus is the biggest act of love I can show you.
5 months ago
View on Instagram |
3/4
Keep this somewhere you can see it. 💛
@realbrittanydawn
saltnsparrow
saltnsparrow
•
Follow
Keep this somewhere you can see it. 💛 @realbrittanydawn
5 months ago
View on Instagram |
4/4
@saltnsparrow
  • Home
  • About
  • Contact
  • Disclaimer
  • Contributors

Copyright © 2022 Salt + Sparrow. All Rights Reserved.Site Powered by Pix & Hue.