Dear Believing Spouse,
With these notes I hope to pass along to you some encouragement and actions you can take while staying in your marriage. Please note that I am not a counselor, psychologist, marriage and family practitioner, etc., just a person who has been there, done that, and am still doing it, thirty-five plus years on. I pray that the thoughts outlined below will give you some new tools to journey with, and that your load will be lighter knowing that there is a community of saints in the same or similar circumstance who want to honor Jesus as Lord and Savior as best we can in our unequally yoked marriages.
Praying God’s blessings over you,
This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Services LLC Associates and RewardStyle affiliate, S+S may earn a small commission for any purchases made through affiliate links (at no extra cost to you). You can read our full disclaimer and disclosure statement here.
10 Actions for the Unequally Yoked Spouse
Pin this for later…
1. Get Into the Lifeboat
The storm is raging on every side; waves are crashing about you. Wouldn’t you climb into a lifeboat if one was available?
One is available, and it’s called God’s Word, the Bible. No other place offers the peace and guidance you will find in His holy scriptures.
May I encourage you to dig deep into the Word of God and stay there?
I don’t mean a short reading of verses every now and then, but rather, a considered and deliberate time spent fellowshipping with the Holy Spirit as you read through His love letter to the saints.
When you take the time to delve into the Bible and meditate, ruminate on its precepts and promises, you will find that He will teach you, comfort you, guide you, correct you, fill you, enable you, and bless you.
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”Matthe 6:33 NIV
Whether we learned that verse a long time ago in Sunday School or whether it’s somewhat new to us, its truth rings forth clearly. Make reading His Word a priority.
The Psalmist extolls the life-sustaining qualities of God’s Word in Psalm 119, the longest Psalm in the Bible. 176 verses are centered on the theme of devotion to the Lord and to His Word.
Every verse in Psalm 119 exalts God. Delve into this chapter regularly to be reminded of His wonderful precepts. Here’s a sampling from Psalm 119:
“Your word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:11 NKJV)
“My soul clings to the dust; revive me according to your word.” (Psalm 119:25 NKJV)
“My soul melts from heaviness; strengthen me according to Your word. (Psalm 119:28 NKJV)
“And I will delight myself in Your commandments, which I love.” (Psalm 119:47 NKJV)
“This is my comfort in my affliction, for Your word has given me life.” (Psalm 119:50 NKJV)
“Your statutes have been my songs in the house of my pilgrimage.” (Psalm 119:54 NKJV)
Related: Psalms for Comfort and Strength
2. Pray Without Ceasing
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstance, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”1 thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV
Just as these were important words to the Thessalonians from the Apostle Paul, they speak directly to our circumstance of being unequally yoked. It is vital to have our minds always on the things of God and to be in constant communication with Him.
James tells us that “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” (James 5:16), and Proverbs says “The Lord is far from the wicked, but He hears the prayer of the righteous.” (Prov. 15:29).
Let us endeavor then, as much as possible, to stay in prayer throughout our days.
I have found that when I will pray in the midst of a difficult moment, rather than give in to my feelings, I receive strength and peace to deal with whatever the issue is.
I love the example of Daniel, who prayed three times a day, morning, noon and night.
Even after the king issued an edict that no such praying was allowed, he continued faithfully praying three times daily.
3. Be Strong and Courageous
After the death of Moses, Joshua was chosen by God to lead the Israelites into the promised land.
One of his tasks was to take the city of Jericho by marching around the city, shouting, and blowing trumpets until the walls came down. Sounds like an unlikely battle plan!
It must have been something to see, all of that marching and shouting. But Joshua was faithful, and obedient to the Lord, and those walls did fall down (Joshua 6).
Three times God told him, “Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1).
God is still telling that same thing to us today, as believers.
Be strong! And courageous! For the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go. We’re in a battle – no doubt about it, and the enemy wants to take us out at every possible turn, but II Chronicles 20:15 says, “Be not afraid or dismayed at this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s.”
Isn’t that amazing? The battle belongs to the Lord. We can rest in the knowledge that He will fight our battles for us. Hold on to that truth; read this verse often when you are feeling battle-fatigued, and recall that the Lord did not remove Joshua from the fight, but strengthened him, encouraged him, and enabled him to do what God had called him to do in that moment.
4. Rely on God’s Word and Not Your Feelings
Feelings are funny things.
Sometimes we’re so certain about them, so sure, and other times they are as fickle and changeable as the wind.
But God’s Word is a sure foundation, our solid rock upon which to stand.
Check your thoughts and feelings against the Bible; are they Biblical? Do they honor God?
Paul instructs the Corinthians to “Cast down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (II Corinthians 10:5). I love that. Every thought brought into captivity and to the obedience of our Lord.
Can you imagine if we were to do that every day, every time a difficult situation arises or a negative thought? How different the outcomes could be!
“Wisdom and knowledge will be the stability of your times,Isaiah 33:6 NKJV
And the strength of salvation;
The fear of the Lord is His treasure.”
Did you know there is power in praise?
The Psalmist tells us that, “God inhabits the praises of His people.” (Psalm 22:3)
When we give praise to Almighty God, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, it changes us. It restores us. We become refocused and realigned with His plans and purposes.
Have you ever noticed that when you let loose with a praise song while in the shower or driving a car, your spirit is immediately lifted and refreshed?
That’s the power of praise, and we can’t live the Christian life without it very successfully.
These always cheer me, and I hope they will be a blessing to you, too. I honestly can’t sit still to these videos, no matter how many times I watch them!
5. Do Good
We are called to do good things.
Ephesians 2:10 tells us that we are God’s workmanship, His handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do the works which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Isn’t it thrilling to know that God has already planned for us uniquely special things which He prepared personally for each one of us?
We are created for action. Let us pray for His divine guidance so that we may fulfill His plans and purposes for our lives.
The possibilities are endless. Volunteer at your church, in your neighborhood school, library, etc., wherever your unique talents can be best used for His glory and the expansion of His kingdom, always being led by Galatians 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.”
6. Understand Your Spouse is Not The Enemy
This one takes some doing, folks, at least it did for me.
It’s easy to blame our unequally yoked spouse; right? After all, it’s their fault we sit in church alone, can’t go to married couple functions, etc., etc.,…yet, dare I say it? Many of us were Christians when we entered into this relationship and were disobedient to God’s Word and God’s plan for our lives.
I would venture to state that a good number of our unequally yoked spouses married us in good faith, lovingly entering into our marriages without the first clue that their beloved person at some point would be drawn into a deeper relationship with the Lord.
God is the one who sanctifies, and His Word does not come back void.
“Train up a child in the way he should go;Proverbs 22:6 ESV
even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
If you were raised to know the Lord in your youth, yet lived without Him for a time (probably when you married), He is going to call you back into fellowship with Himself.
This will no doubt be a complete shock to your unsaved spouse if for years you lived without regard for God’s precepts and then to your amazement and your spouse’s, God’s Holy Spirit woos you back into relationship with Him.
He is faithful, even when we are not.
That is why I have compiled this list, to share the most practical things we can do to honor Jesus while we are in unequally yoked marriages.
It takes diligence. It takes devotion.
There are going to be hard, hard days, when you think you just can’t do it anymore.
Remember, God hates divorce. He loves you, has a plan for your life, and wants your marriage to succeed. You can do this, beloved saint of the Most High God. He will help you, preserve you, comfort you, and give you peace.
“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”1 Peter 5:8 ESV
Truly, it is a time to be sober-minded, with the sword of the Spirit, God’s word, strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.”Ephesians 6:12-13 ESV
7. Answer Their Questions
Do you have a seeker for a spouse?
Does your beloved person have questions about Jesus, who He was, how the Bible was written?
Good news! There are answers to their questions!
Write down the topics your spouse has asked you about.
This list is your new homework assignment.
Endeavor to study God’s Word to find the answers to their questions.
Respecting their right to ask questions is respecting them.
We do a disservice to our mates by not taking their inquiries seriously. Fortunately, there are so many wonderful resources to help us.
A good study Bible is full of notations and explanations on numerous topics; an illustrated Bible dictionary can also be so helpful.
I also like “self-guided tour through the Bible” books, and so many others.
Libraries are chock full of resources too for the budget minded. Yes, this all requires some study time on your part, but won’t it be worth it to present your inquiring spouse with actual answers to their questions?
"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved,[a] a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth." - II Timothy 2:15 ESV
8. Have an Eternal Outlook
Great news; this world is not our home!
We are pilgrims and sojourners on our way to God’s eternal kingdom. We can rejoice and look forward in anticipation of this coming reality.
Hold on to these verses when you’re weary of it all:
““Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.”John 14:1-3 ESV
9. Jesus is Preparing a Place for You
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." - Romans 8:18 ESV
“From of old no one has heardIsaiah 64:4 ESV
or perceived by the ear,
no eye has seen a God besides you,
who acts for those who wait for him.”
“For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.” 1 Thessalonians 4:16-18 ESV
10. Hang on, Christian. Jesus is Coming!
We have so many wonderful and exciting things ahead of us.
Can you imagine seeing our glorious Savior, Jesus, face to face, and being in His presence for eternity?
How about being in heaven and sitting next to the Apostle Paul at the dinner table?
Or seeing Jonah pass by as he regales the saints with his fish tale (the fish gets larger every time he tells it)?
Or listening to Philip tell about being snatched away to Azotus after explaining Isaiah 53 to the Ethiopian official?
It is going to be so mind-blowingly awesome that all of our trials and tribulations here on earth will seem like mere wisps of smoke which were present for a brief time and remembered no more.
Look up, for your redemption draweth nigh!
“And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”Revelation 21:2-4 ESV
"He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!" - Revelation 22:20 ESV
Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!”
Believe that God’s Grace is Sufficient For You
II Corinthians 12:9 tells us that God’s grace is sufficient for us.
Three times Paul had prayed and asked that his thorn in the flesh be removed.
God’s answer to him was that His grace is sufficient, and His strength is made perfect in weakness.
God continually supplied Paul with grace to endure his ordeal. Rest assured that He will do the same for us.
Mary also creates Christian crossword puzzles and word searches. You can download her crossword puzzle, God Speaks, by clicking this link. Thank you, Mary, for sharing this with us!