Some Things You Just Can’t Forgive
I like to think of myself as someone who turns the other cheek because I sincerely see the good in people. And I usually do, but I’ll be the first to admit that there are some things you just can’t forgive.
The hurt runs too deep.
Maybe what was done to you was malicious. Perhaps the person who inflicted the pain didn’t even care.
When we’re hurt this way, the memory of it comes back unbidden, stirring up the pain all over again.
No, there are some things you simply cannot forgive.
But sometimes the other person isn’t trying to hurt us. Sometimes we simply misunderstand.
I recently sent a text to a friend of mine. When she replied, I was genuinely puzzled by what she said.
It wasn’t unkind; it just didn’t make any sense.
Then I went back and read my original text again, thinking about different ways it could have been interpreted. This time when I read her answer, I laughed and sent her another text so we could both laugh about how she misunderstood what I originally meant.
It was a lighthearted moment, one where neither one of us got our feelings hurt. But it showed me how quickly someone could fail to understand me.
So often it’s not what we say but what the other person hears. After all, I knew exactly what I meant when I sent her the first text.
Although I’m sure a lot of things I’ve done wrong in my life have been the result of innocent mistakes, there are plenty of cases where my sins were chosen by me.
Yet God forgave me.
It’s hard to talk about my sins. It’s hard for me to imagine the depth of what I’ve done to require the forgiveness that God, who is perfect, freely offers me.
I know my own heart. It’s not just the outward sins that should be listed on my account. There are many more that I’ve allowed to flow from my heart.
And, for the whole world which includes me, God sent Jesus to take the place for all my sins. He didn’t stop at the ones I regret. He paid the price for all of them, even the ones that I hold onto deep inside where no one can see but me.
When I consider how God forgives, it seems that it’s only me who views some things as unforgivable.
It seems that I believe I somehow deserve to be treated better than others, even when I surely have hurt others as much as I’ve been hurt.
When God sent His Son to the cross, everyone was offered forgiveness. When I consider the cross, there’s no comparison to that kind of pain, that level of rejection, that magnitude of sin.
Yet, I still hold onto the past, letting scenarios enter my mind and far too often stumble out of my mouth as I consider how I’ve been done wrong.
I understand that God is perfect. I’m aware that Jesus walked this earth completely sinless. I read my Bible, understanding the example of love and compassion I’ve been given. I know I need to do more than physically turn the other cheek. It is no revelation to me that it requires a work of heart for me to forgive.
Why then are there still, after so many years have passed since I surrendered my life to Jesus, some things I struggle to forgive?
Could it be that I need to let go of the illusion that stares back at me every time I look in the mirror?
Could it be that I need to see myself as I am, still a sinner who needs the mercy and grace and forgiveness that God continues to extend to me?
In my mind, I can hear the echo of the words Jesus cried out while hanging on that cross.
” Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Luke 23:34a NIV
Even though I admit some wrongdoings are deliberate, I wonder how many times I’ve allowed myself to get more worked up over a transgression than warranted.
Like my text to my friend, do I confuse the situation more than I admit? Is it possible that some of the things I struggle to forgive are done by those who truly don’t know what they are doing?
I have come to understand that there are indeed some things that I cannot forgive. But I have the strength of the Holy Spirit to work through me, to show me how to love others, to help me let go of thinking too highly of myself.
Through His Holy Spirit, God has given me the gift to truly love others. All I have to do is take my eyes off myself.
“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
Romans 5:5 NIV
This verse reminds me of the benefits that will be mine thanks to God showing me how to love others.
How amazing is it that while God is teaching me to get my eyes off myself, He is blessing me at the same time?
The things I cannot forgive, God already has.
It is only by getting close to Him, to that place where His beginning and my ending blur together, that I will be able to forgive like I should.
All I need to do is stick close to Him to become like Him. Then it’s easy to forgive even the things that are too hard for me to forgive alone.
Jesus reminds me of this in John 15:5 when He tells me, “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.”
There are some things that you just can’t forgive. How wonderful that we never were expected to do it in our strength alone.
I’m so glad God made a way for us to be part of His vine so we can experience the freedom his fruit of love and forgiveness offers us.
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